Hating life!
I hate my life….no one knows how I feel…
nothin’ but the god damn TRUTH!
From time to time, I think about what I’m really doing…with my schooling, my future, but most of all my love life. I can’t help but shed a few tears knowing that I’ve hurt someone who I held close to my heart, but it was for the better. It was an indicater that it was time for a fresh start. I try my hardest everyday to think about what went wrong, what I really did, and was it all worth it?! I know it’s taking time to heal both ends of our parts, but I’m trying to move on. It seemed hard at first, but it’s gotten easier because I find that I’m not into you as much as I thought I would be. Finding myself pushing my feelings about someone else aside makes it easier to move on because they all of a sudden it comes back. “Teal” is nothing but a mistake…he caused me to be scarred, he hurt me more than I thought he would have, I never regained my composure back after all he’s done…but I’m still glad that we have such a strong connection between us, I’m glad you still choose to be my friend. “Light Blue” has never caused any real damage. The biggest thing he did was never feeling the same way…but I don’t regret telling him how I feel, because I know I would regret not saying anything. He showed me that I can always like him, yet he chooses to always be there for me. I guess that’s why I like him so much. “Brown” was a mistake to go out with cuz he’s nothing but a bore. We never had anything in common, all he wanted was one thing and I wasn’t giving it to him. I would have rather given it up to his cousin…. I let that go, but we remain friends. Than there was “orange”…he was one of the best things that happened to me. He made me smile when no one else could, he made me laugh whenever I was down, he just knew what to do to make me the happiest person in the world. I loved him for who he is…sad part is, I still do. He has another gf, who loves him unconditionally, and he loves her too…it’s so hard to move on but now that I’m in college, it’s time for a fresh start…but I don’t want too. I still want what I can’t have! And that’s what’s making everything for me harder than ever. I can’t stand the fact that I lost someone so dear to me…I never meant to lose him like the way I did. I regret everything that happened between me and him. I want to be able to fix this between us but it seems like he doesn’t. He rather have his gf talk to me the way she does…but its whatevers! I’m living my life I want to live it, whether he’s in my life or not…bitches!!!
